Christmas is magical, right? It’s one of the most popular holidays, everything is so magical and it puts us in a good mood – at least, that’s what they say you should feel. But, what if you don’t? I know children who LOVE Christmas and are constantly excited for it to come around. I know children who CAN NOT cope with – it’s just too much. All those visitors, the decorations, change of routine, the constant busy shops and everything is just DIFFERENT during the lead up to Christmas. For many, this is too much. I’m hoping, in this blog post, to share some ideas for how you can make your Christmas that little bit more autism friendly this year to help your child(ren). Don’t forget – you don’t need to have autism to find Christmas overwhelming!
Gifts
Gifts. Some of our children love them- some hate them. It can be the not knowing which can cause a meltdown for many of our children. Especially, if the object is wrapped up and they don’t know what’s inside. You may have some children who see a rectangle box and assume it’s the DVD they have wanted for so long – to only open it and find a book. It’s not what they thought it is – now what? Some children find it difficult to accept gifts – or may have no interest. It’s something wrapped up in bright paper – now what? We’ve even had experiences of children who can’t stand the feel and texture of Christmas wrapping paper! It can also be very overwhelming to come down in the morning to lots of presents all stacked up and constantly be opening them – when does it end? Or, they’ll expect this every day!
What can you do to help?
- Pay close attention to detail for your child’s current interests – they probably change quite regular – that’s ok!
- Talk to school staff and see if they have any favourite toys/games/books in the classroom that you could get for home too.
- If you want to wrap presents – but them in clear cellophane – that way there’s no extra surprise.
- Don’t wrap presents! Do they need to be wrapped? Of course not!
- Work with family and friends to help them get your child presents that they will like. We always have family/friends buy big noisy presents – and if noise is an issue, this is going to cause one big meltdown on Christmas day! Don’t be afraid to share your child’s likes/dislikes/sensory needs – I’m sure they’ll be happy to have some helpful information on what to buy!
- Plan out your presents. Will they prefer them all at once? Will they prefer them spread throughout the day?
Decorations
Many of our children are sensitive to lights – especially Christmas lights. Noise – so many decorations make noises now. They may even be noises we can’t hear, but our children sure can! And those moving Christmas decorations are the worst! You know the ones, with the little ice skaters twirling round and round. Put your ear next to it and listen to the sounds of those gadgets moving around. They can be ear piercing for our children! Christmas tree – what is this big thing that’s appeared in the house? And all those things on it! Things might get moved around in the house to make way for these decorations too. Which may mean important things to your child may not be in their usual place – this can be extra stress.
So, what can you do?
- If you really want a tree, consider your child’s sensory needs. If it doesn’t bother them – great! But, if it does, consider certain things. Could you get a real one and leave it outside? What about getting a small one with built in lights that stay one colour and don’t flash. If it’s small you can add it to a corner or area in the room where things don’t get disrupted and moved too.
- Put decorations up gradually – don’t transform the house overnight. And include your child(ren) in the decorating process too! One day you can put up some snow globes around the house. The next day, put a wreath outside. The next day, put up a tree and so on. This means that the changes to the home are taking place slowly.
- Use homemade decorations. I don’t know about your child’s school, but in ours we love to make Christmas crafts during December. These can look great around the home and shows off your child’s hard work too. These are usually less intrusive and not so bright so they can be more suitable for our children.
- Put them in rooms that your child may not visit much. If you want to have a light in one of your windows – put it in your bedroom window and not your child’s or the living room. That way you have your Christmas lights but they aren’t going to stress your child out at the same time!
Visitors
I mean, sure, it’s lovely to see all your friends and family during the lead up to Christmas, but is it worth a possible meltdown? Having lots of visitors, especially every night, can throw off every routine. Also, going visiting to other people’s houses can be stressful. They may have lots of decorations, they may have pets, they may have strange smells etc. These are all things you need to take into account when taking your child other places. Also, when having visitors to your home, they may bring small children with them – they may touch your child’s toys/books etc. which your child may find very difficult.
So, again, what can you do?
- Keep their bedroom as their safe haven (or if you’re lucky enough to have a sensory room, use this). Nobody else can go here – unless the child wants them to. That gives them the escape that they may need where they can go and have their own space, peace and quiet.
- Prepare for changes. You could make a schedule and use photos of visitors who will be coming over and on what days/times. This will help prepare your child for a possible change in routine.
- Check other peoples houses first – ask them if they could help make it more accommodating for your child – turning off the Christmas lights on a tree etc.
- If having little children visit, consider having a box of toys that they can access that won’t cause stress to your child.
- Don’t be afraid to say no to visitors. If you explain the impact this can have on your child, I’m sure they will want to work with you to find a better way to celebrate Christmas with you, without impacting your child.
- Consider spreading visits out. You could limit this to 1-2 visits per week to your home and try to keep them on the same days each week so that your child gets used to this routine of people coming over on certain days/times.
Schedules
Schedules can be very hard to maintain during the festive season, and this is why we try and recommend to families to ‘break’ routines (very slightly) through the year, to try and help your child get used to changes. It’s impossible to never have a routine break, and by having previous experiences, this can help your child be more ok with changes – if you never change the routine, then one day it unexpectedly changes, you’ve set yourself up for a possible meltdown as they’ve never faced ‘change’ before.
What can you do to help?
- Consider making a Christmas schedule. Every morning, have your child open their advent calendar.
- Each night before bed, read a Christmas story.
- Every Saturday watch a Christmas film etc.
By setting up a Christmas routine that is consistent will give your child that routine to hold onto that can help them glide through the day easier.
Visiting Santa
I know visiting Santa is top of everyone’s list when they have a child, but consider your child first. I’d recommend reaching out into your community and finding the best ‘Santa’ for your children to visit. You’re going to have Santa’s that are better than others at accommodating children with Autism – and that’s key to giving your child(ren) that extra positive experience. Remember how scary Santa can look too – he’s someone big – you can’t really see his face behind that beard, and he’s in a big red suit and hat!
What can you do to help?
- Don’t push your child. Let them build up their confidence with Santa each year. This could be watching him from a distance the first year, giving him a high five the second year etc. We always sit with them next to Santa to start with and then let them take the lead.
- Consider phoning in advance and finding out what the present is from Santa and if you need to take a back up. We went to one many years ago where the present was a china money box! You can imagine how that went do. Luckily we had back up selection boxes in the car – Christmas is saved!!!
- Make it a routine each year, maybe do it on a set date and in the same place. This will help your child get used to the environment and hopefully more used to Santa each year.
Support
Please don’t be afraid to reach out. Reach out to your child’s teachers, team up with other family members/friends when going to visit Santa etc. Find local autism charities/groups who may hold Autism friendly Christmas sessions – these work really well for us in our local area. You don’t want Christmas to be stressful, so by reaching out and asking for that support to help you, it will help alleviate some of that Christmas stress for you and your child(ren).
How do you find Christmas? Is it a difficult time of year or does your child LOVE Christmas?
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