My Autistic Child Is Being Bullied At School
I hear this all the time…“I think my autistic child is being bullied at school, but I don’t know what to do.” And that gut feeling you’ve got… it usually isn’t wrong. You know your child. You know when something feels off. And when school starts feeling harder than it should, there’s usually a reason behind it.
So if you’re here because something doesn’t feel right, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in.
First… it’s not always obvious
This is the bit that makes it so hard.
Bullying isn’t always:
- a big fight
- obvious name calling
- something a teacher spots straight away
A lot of the time, especially for our neurodivergent children, it’s much quieter than that.
Sometimes, bullying can look like:
- being left out over and over again
- other kids laughing at things your child says or does
- copying or mocking their behaviours
- kids deliberately winding them up (this happens WAY more than people realise)
- little things… that keep happening
And because it’s not loud or dramatic it can often get missed, brushed off or even labelled as kids just being kids. The issue is when that is repeated and targeted.. That’s when it becomes bullying.
Why autistic children are more at risk
This is not your child’s fault, but this is the reality. Autistic children are more at risk of being bullied. This is about other children not understanding them and the environments not supporting them properly. There are a few common reasons why this happens:
1. They communicate differently
Your child might:
- take things literally
- struggle to read tone or body language
- respond in ways other kids don’t expect
That can make it harder to spot when someone isn’t being kind.
2. They stand out
Kids notice differences, that’s just the reality. And unfortunately, sometimes that makes children a target.
3. They might not tell you (or can’t explain it)
This is a big one.
Some children:
- don’t realize they’re being bullied
- don’t have the words to explain it
- describe it in a way that gets dismissed
So things can go on longer than they should.
Signs something might be going on
A lot of children won’t come home and just come out and say, “I’m being bullied.” So you’ll usually see it in their behavior instead.
Things like:
- suddenly not wanting to go to school
- more meltdowns or shutdowns
- coming home completely exhausted
- big emotional reactions after school
- changes in sleep or appetite
- missing or damaged belongings
- unexplained marks or bruises
Or sometimes it’s just a feeling that something isn’t right. My advice to family members is to always act on your gut feeling.
So what do you actually DO?
This is the bit you need. Simple, practical steps.
1. Start with your child (but keep it low pressure)
Try not to go straight in and ask if they are being bullied.. That can feel overwhelming. Instead, I always say to try and keep it open.. Ask them to tell you about their day, who did they sit with, was anything tricky today?
At this point, some children will open up and start talking.. but others won’t. However, you might get drawings, little comments or small bits of information over time. Just take it piece by piece and slowly you’ll start to build the picture.
2. Write things down (even if it feels over the top)
I know this sounds formal and maybe a bit over the top… but it’s so important.
Try and keep a note of:
- dates
- what happened
- anything your child says
- any injuries or marks
- emails or conversations with school
Because if you need to push this further later you’ve got everything in one place, written down ready.
3. Speak to the school (and be clear)
Don’t soften it. Say what you mean: “I’m concerned my child is being bullied and I need this addressed.”
I hear from so many family members that they’re worried they will be seen as dramatic or over the top.. But you’re not! You are simply advocating for your child and wanting the best for them.
4. Ask for actual ACTION (not vague promises)
You don’t want to just hear that they’ll keep an eye on it. We don’t want this just brushing away. You want to be hearing things like:
- more supervision at recess or lunch
- a safe adult your child can go to
- a clear plan if something happens
- support during unstructured times
Make them be specific and ask them what steps they are going to take. Don’t be afraid to hold them accountable as well.
5. Know your rights (especially in the U.S.)
Schools have a legal responsibility to keep your child safe.
If your child has:
- an IEP
- or a 504 Plan
They are entitled to support. And if bullying is affecting your child’s ability to access school, the school has to take that seriously
6. Follow everything up in writing
After any conversation, send an email. Even if it is something simple like “Just following up on our conversation today…”
This creates a record, and trust me, that matters if things need escalating in the future.
7. If nothing changes… push it further
If you’re not seeing action:
- go to the principal
- request an IEP meeting
- contact the district
- bring in an advocate if needed
You are allowed to do this… You’re not being difficult!
8. Support your child at home
This is just as important as dealing with the school. Your child needs to know that this is NOT their fault
Build them up in ways that feel natural, their interests, strengths and things that they enjoy. You don’t want to change them.. You just want to help them to feel safe and confident.
9. Take the pressure off socially
If school is already overwhelming, don’t add more pressure
Instead, I want you to focus on:
- safe environments
- low-pressure interactions
- people they feel comfortable with
10. Look for patterns
When is it happening?
- recess?
- lunch?
- transitions?
This helps you pinpoint where the problem is and push the school in the right direction.
What a good school response should look like
A supportive school will:
- take you seriously
- investigate properly
- put support in place
- keep you updated
- check in regularly
If that’s not happening? Then that’s your sign to keep pushing
This is such a tough situation to be in, there’s no way around that. But here is the thing.. You aren’t overreacting by taking this further. If your gut is telling you there is something wrong, then definitely listen to it. And finally, you are allowed to speak up! Your child deserves to feel safe at school.. and they have the right to a safe education!
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Nikki
